Hurt but not held back

 Sometimes you may feel like you can't keep it together anymore and you just want to give up, 'cause you the more you try the more it hurts.

Earlier this evening I had one of those 'moments' I've got a lot going on and my parents don't understand and they just put on more pressure. I started to dwell on how nothing I do is ever enough for them, I get good grades, I cook, I clean (when I can), but none of that is ever enough...one mess up and they forget all the good you do. I started having dismal thoughts of 9-year old me, I remembered how I'd hide in the closet and cry, how I'd pick up a knife and want to kill myself cause I was tired of depression, a lot of horrible things was said to me and I can't even mention it. I was compared, rejected, overlooked, looked-down on and somehow I could still smile. Having those thoughts tonight, I started hearing that old voice that wants to push us further into the ground, hoping we never get up again..." you can never be enough" "God has left you" and the repetition of those sentences in my head I had to cry out and ask God where He was, I felt lonely again, but this time I actually not alone. A voice within me kept saying "You have the Holy Spirit" "I would never leave nor forsake you (Joshua 1:9) and I heard within myself "Peace be still". Just like the time Jesus Christ calmed the storm, He calmed the storm within me. 

I was going to post about the rapture and how Christians shouldn't try to instil fear when evangelising about it, but do it by the help of the Holy Spirit cause He's the one that changes, reforms, saves. The Holy Spirit changed the protocol, and I'm glad I experienced this, so I can keep praying to God to heal me from the inside, it is that which is within you that is expressed without, I honestly didn't think I could be hurt this much by something that happened years ago. I'm not sharing for a pity party, but because the Holy Ghost and I want people to know that God heals the brokenhearted too.

To everyone that's trying so hard to keep it together, relying on your own strength won't take you far, those that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength (Isaiah 40 vs 31). The ultimate source of everything good is the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY. Ask and you shall receive. Another thing that calmed me down was the fact that I wouldn't have come this far if I didn't have God.

God loves you beyond measure, His plans are going to prosper you and bring you peace. Stay blessed and stay Engraced.

Song Recommendation: Marcus Rogers- December ft Marv